Finest Architecture
by Dora Noakes
Summary: Bilbo goes to a club, and catches the eye of the man that's been checking him out throughout the night. He eventually sings some rather raunchy songs that he'd like to deny... but who was complaining? Modern AU


Bilbo goes to a club, and catches the eye of the man that's been checking him out. He eventually sings some rather raunchy songs that he'd like to deny... but who was complaining?

Modern AU, with Grumpy!Bilbo, and a pinch of Blackmailing!Bofur, Bestfriend!Bofur, and Brotherly!Bofur.

**I have no idea where I'm going with this...**

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"Are you sure?" Bilbo winced.

Inviting this madman over almost always ended peculiarly, he loved him to death... but pacing at this rate was downright unhealthy...

"O' course I am, don' get yer panties in a twist."

Scoffing and scowling at his admittedly taller companion, he tried to reason with the oaf. "Bofur-"

"Ah'm serious Bilbo, yeh need to relax at some point in yer life."

"Well I..."

"Ye' what? Don' even start about workin' on 'at book o' yours. Ye' know as well as I that yah need ta' relax at some point in yer life!"

This was what he hated about these situations, he knew his hatted companion was right. And with him so suddenly at a loss for words, he found it difficult to find some footing in the small argument again.

Which was much easier said than done.

"Well..."

"Bilbo-" Bofur sighed. "There's a gay bar downtown we can go to."

Had he mentioned that he'd just came out of the closet?

Well if not, this was slightly awkward... so he knew what he'd have to do.

... He would say no, he could, he'd deny and reason to go, he'd-

He'd vehemently ignore the lunatic to make him see reason. And unfortunately, that idea could've worked too, he just so happened to made the mistake of looking back at Bofur.

Bilbo's eyes widened.

Bofur was pouting! For the love of Mahal... He was using puppy dog eyes...

"Please?..."

The hatted brunette tilted his chin, and pushed his lower lip out even further.

Blast it all... Bilbo tried to look back over to his pale walls, or the quilting on his lovely blanket... maybe even tried count the wonderful textures of his ceilings... but unfortunately for Bilbo - like most things were - Bofur's powers of pouting were quite the magnetic force.

No... he wouldn't... But when understanding the brotherly relationship between Bilbo and Bofur, you must also recognize the formidable strength of Bofur's pout. So what happened next was only logical.

Crumbling under Bofur's underhanded tactics rather quickly, Bilbo deflated.

"... Fine..."

"But if you mysteriously disappear from Erebor, and they find your body in some abandoned lot, I won't be held accountable." Bilbo grumbled.

Bofur only laughed at him. "That's the spirit, master hobbit! Yeh won't regret a wee thing!"

... Blast that nickname.

" And I thought we'd never bring that back again either! You promised, you half-wit." Bilbo said. Now, not only was he grumpy from giving in, but the traumatic (at least in his eyes, everyone else found it bloody hilarious) memories.

"Aye, but blackmail always gets me what I want."

"That's not-"

"Fair? Not at all, but does it work? Yeh bet it does." Bofur gave a conspiratorial wink.

"I hate you..."

"Love you too." Bofur mockingly crooned.

The cheek of that... Dwarf...

"Now, Baggins! Clean up, and off to the club we go!"

Bilbo only sighed... He was all too cheery about this...

Now, as he was pushed into his bathroom while his closet was raided, only one thought remained in his mind. It consisted of 'Damn him, and his stupid hat too.'

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"Are you happy now?" Bilbo growled about 15 minutes later. Bofur had forced him -not physically of course- into a pair of dark-wash jeans and a slate-colored 3/4 inch sleeve button-up. And if he hadn't been forced against his will, he would've said that he looked quite dashing.

But he was, and he was going to deny enjoying this as much as possible.

"Maybe... I will be if you actually open the door. Yeh ready to go to the club?"

Bilbo rubbed his face in annoyance and open the door -seeing his best friend's cheeky grin didn't help anything either- and he stepped out.

Scratching the back of his head as Bofur looked at him appraisingly, Bilbo just hoped this would go by quickly.

"Perfect! Everyone will be all over yah Bilbo. You'll enjoy yerself, I promise Bilbo." Bofur ended his statement gently, knowing the shorter man's feelings about his "new" sexuality.

"You better be right Bofur." Bilbo said softly, his anger dampened by Bofur's sincerity.

"I ah'm. I'm going to meet up with Dwalin and Ori later, so you'll have plenty of time to just think and have fun. Trust me on this."

"I'll try Bofur... I'll try."

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... And so that's how he ended up here. In this strobe light infested dance floor, filled with too much grinding, too loud music, and too many people... All he wanted was a nice, cold, drink. But no, Bofur had to go and drop him off at a... a club!

A club for Aule's sake! Bofur knew Bilbo didn't like lots of noise... or people... or... or...

Gods. He just wanted to go home.

But home was now far behind our Mr. Baggins, and the adventure much closer than he'd think.

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**Please, give me lots and lots of feedback!**

**(Reviews and constructive criticism would be lovely, *Wink* *Wink*) But either way, I love you all. **


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